Those Words given by A Parent That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the reality quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a healthy space. You require support. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the challenges dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a wider inability to open up among men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It is not a display of failure to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a respite - spending a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a change to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son better understand the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he notes. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a family member, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they faced their struggles, transformed how they talk, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."